Crying Out to God

Dear Jesus; Dear You,

Last night, I felt terrible.
My migraine was so much that vomiting was my only option.

I couldn’t sleep no matter how I tried.

I was longing for a bowl of rice with hot water and a pinch of salt in it.

I was feeling so weak but I needed to go and make it myself.

Sigh.

Sitting down at my table as I ate my warm rice using a teaspoon, I could feel my tears dripping down.

One mouthful, one wipe of tears.

Negative thoughts overflowed my mind. It kept adding and I couldn’t control it.

It was actually out of hand.

I wasn’t sure where it all came from and why it bothered me at that time.

I guess, the enemy will hit you when you’re on your low.

I looked to my right, to my left, in front of me, behind me. There was no one.
Only helplessness.

Then God.
The moment I thought of him, my crying intensified!

God, I failed. God, I didn’t measure up. God, what happened? God, tell me how. God, I am weak. God, I’m in pain. God, I lost it. God …

2.26.24 (in the night)
That was the first time I cried out to God.

I understand now how powerful it is to cast my burdens and my heavy heart to the God who’s always, always listening.

I wonder what He thinks of me.
I wonder how He reacted.
But most of all, I wonder how easy I felt after I cried my heart out.
Did He take it all?
Did He carry me through?
Did He wipe my tears away?
Did He calm my heart?
Did He just love me strong enough that I could feel it?

I don’t know, I just know, that my God is a greater-than-anything kind of God.

And I am his beloved child. ❤️

This morning, I woke up with swollen eyes but there was peace in my heart.

Thank you, my Father, in heaven. ♡

And I love how He points me to the book of Philippians this morning.
And I will share it with you.

‭‭Philippians 4:4-8 TPT‬‬
[4] Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let your joy overflow!

[5] And let gentleness be seen in every relationship, for our Lord is ever near.

 [6] Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, [7] then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Jesus Christ.

[8] Keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God,  praising him always.

Thank you, God, that I can counterattack the negativities in my head with your beautiful promises of faithfulness. Your thoughts are indeed greater than my thoughts.

Praising you, God, all my life.
In Jesus’ name, amen ♡