Lord, Whatever!

Dear Jesus; Dear You,

I am sharing with you today the devotional I shared in the church wherein I talked about a very personal testimony of a changed heart, hoping that somehow when you finish reading this, we will all be reminded to see the beauty of surrender. ❤️

I am the kind of person who is afraid, like really afraid, of being wrong. So, I always tend to do things as accurately as I can. I plan things so well as much as possible, ensuring that there will be little to no mistakes along the way.

In addition to that, I still anticipate what could go wrong and make plan B’s as well.

It’s just really my fear of failure, of mistakes that makes me control things.

But despite how perfect I thought my plans were, almost all of the time, I still lost it.
And for me, it’s getting worse and worse every passing day.

Last Feb 2022, in 2nd my testimony in FICB, I questioned God saying: “Lord, when will it ever be that we can also follow what I want?”

That led to another negative belief that I had wherein I thought that God answered the prayers of others and not mine.

That’s why, normally, I would ask people to pray for me instead of asking God directly for what I want.

That was me, ago! The old Steph. The infant Christian.

To be honest, the whole of 2022 was a constant cycle of me pushing what I wanted and failing to get it, then resenting God a little and yet doing the same thing again.

Imagine I had faith goals for 2022 that were all doable but none came to life.

Fortunately, though, that year ended well with one answered prayer of reconciliation which I asked, myself, from God.

That time, despite the shame I felt, I came to him and asked for that reconciliation to happen. I asked for his will to be done even if I knew it was impossible at that time because I saw that I had already done everything I could but nothing worked.

So I started this year, 2023, with no faith goals. I only have 2 words. That is,
Lord, whatever!
Because I realized that no matter what I do, God still makes his way known. It makes me feel like I’m playing chess versus God that sometimes even if I thought I made the perfect move I’d still end up getting checkmate out of my will. And sometimes even if I tend to put myself as bait, God would use it and turn it into something great.
So I tried to learn and accept that I have no right to question His ways.

This verse from Isaiah 45:9 opened my eyes and touched my ego. It says:
“Look at these people! They are
arguing with the one who made
them. Look at them arguing with me.
They are like pieces of clay from a
broken pot. Clay does not say to the
one molding it, “Man, what are you
doing?” Things that are made don’t
have the power to question the one
who makes them.
Isaiah 45:9

Indeed. I am nothing but a creation. What right do I have to question the works of the one who created me, right?

This verse served as a warning against questioning God’s plans and purposes. The metaphor of the potter and the clay emphasizes the idea that God is the creator and we are His creations. As such, we should trust in His wisdom and sovereignty, rather than trying to challenge or question His ways.

This thought strikes me and ignites the humility inside of me.

But that didn’t come so easy. It was a daily practice that required intention and discipline, on my part. It was so hard, especially for me who wanted to have things under control and who once doubted God answering my prayers.

So, just to make me feel still in control I made a negotiation with God, earlier this year. 😉

I said, “Okay Lord, let’s do it like this, I will tell you everything I desire, I’ll show you all my plans, I’ll tell you everything I want, and in the end, it’s up to you, let your will be done.”
This works the best for me, so far, this is the formula I am living my life now.

It is not just about going with the flow but rather it is believing firmly and surrendering to the truth that God is in control.

In the beginning, that was just a very unconscious declaration but every time I’m dealing with something, that same declaration keeps on reminding me.

It feels like, the Lord tells it to my face: “Steph, you have already given me the authority to do it my way.”

And you know what’s the most beautiful thing about it? It is the relief that even if I have plans that don’t go according to what I want, or prayers answered differently, or some desires that aren’t granted, I don’t feel any resentment, I don’t feel any disappointment, I am not discouraged.
I have no one to blame, and no right to question God because in the negotiation that I have with him, I am aware that I already gave him the final say.
So, Lord, whatever!

And surprisingly, my faith goals of 2022, came to life throughout this year. I mean, amazingly, after waiting for so long, after my papers got denied, now I have it all ready.
This year, I am now able to give my family the vacation I desired for them since last year.

I am more at ease now that my heart embraces surrender. And that was very peaceful and it helped me a lot.

When we surrender to God, we give up control and allow Him to work in our lives in ways we may not expect or understand. We trust in His plan for us, even when it doesn’t align with our desires. We also surrender our worries and burdens to Him, knowing that He will provide for us and carry us through life’s challenges.

We may not always understand why things happen the way they do, but we can trust that God is in control and has a purpose for everything.

There is indeed so much we can do with our surrender than we can in our control.

It all goes back to Proverbs 19:21 which says that people may plan all kinds of things but the Lord’s will is going to be done.

This is my testimony, I can be wrong. I can be right. I may have done some things I cannot control Z nor redo, but I believe, deep within me, God is changing my heart for the better. And I am loving every bit of it, for sure.

There is beauty in surrendering to the one who knows it all.
There is beauty in our humility before God.

May we all embrace the beauty of a Godly surrendered heart ♡ In Jesus’ name, amen ♡